Forgive me user for I have sinned, it has been many weeks since my last blog post and my soul must-ef be cleansed.
Of late I have been designing a new ecommerce site called ‘idolised.co.uk’. I have enjoyed this very much and produced my best logo of all time, yes, that’s right – Richard Stelmach’s best logo design of all time. The last logo I did was one for my own site, a warning type sign logo of someone puking up with the strap ‘creativebinge.co.uk – consume til yer puke’. Everyone hated this concept, especially the eating disorder angle I took.
So anyway, hopefully this one will be more popular:
Click here to view the site design for idolised.co.uk.
Other than that, I have been muchos enjoying making some Flash games…despite being told not to use so much blood. Well, sorry for adding a little realism to my games, if you hit a tree while skiing at like 80mph, you’re going to be in for a world of hurt. I said that my game would probably save about 10,921 lives as people would know the dangers of skiing, well, all I know is that the blood won’t be on my hands.
And where’s the fun in disintegrating people with demonic snowballs of hate, if all that happens is that they get turned into chirpy dancing elves.
If you like the pic, go here to Digg it
I’ve added some stuff to the work section of my site.
Yes, this means the highly anticipated e-motivator, emotional filter and creative dump have not been started on… I mean finished of course.
E-Motivator (update: actually this is complete now, click here
I’m not one to keep my genius ideas secret, possibly because I know deep down they’re too unpopular to be stolen. Anyway, the e-motivator will randomly generate motivational messages to give you a “can do” attitude, a constant smile or that scary wide eyed enthustiastic expression. It will basically give you everything you need to be successful.
See below for an early mock-up (update, click the image to go to the finished e-motivator):
Yeah, I’ve basically designed an advanced system to solve most people’s life problems. Don’t be intimidated by the technology here, this piece of kit could change your life (when it’s complete).
See previous post for emotional filter concept and creative dump is too vulgar to describe.
Like two great mythological titans, battling for eternity through every chasm and depth of this world we live upon, I Richard Michael Stelmach have been persevering to defeat Ed Michael Stelmach on Google, testing my wit and ingenuity to the limit, taking me places I thought I would never have to face.
It’s a battle of pride, identity and supremacy.
Like a hunter and his prey, I respect Ed Stelmach as a politician and man. We have 66.6666666% the same name, we’re practically brothers but this can’t go on.
For many years I dominated Google as number one, top dog and most famous of all Stelmachs. In my hayday, every result on the first page was related to me, either a website I had made or my own portfolio. Times have changed and there’s a new kid on the block… Ed. He has pushed my site down to fourth in the rankings.
Arguably, Ed is an important man, Premier of Alberta, possibly more important than me. He’s a good looking guy and intelligent. I admit, the battle has taken it’s toll on me, I think I’ve lost a little bit of Richard Stelmach along the way, the hurt runs deep, can I compete with this collusus of a man?
YES RICH YOU CAN DO IT, SEARCH DEEP WITHIN, DON’T BE AFRAID, THIS IS YOUR DESTINY.
I won’t give up. I will keep you posted on my progress.
UPDATE (18/05/07): Dan Atkinson launched an offensive by editing Ed’s wikipedia article stating that Ed was “living under the shadow of Richard Stelmach” with a link to my site. Unfortunately it seems the wikipedia guys must have disagreed with this and have removed it after a day.
UPDATE (18/05/07): I have submitted this story to Digg to help SEO etc in my battle against Ed. Please Digg it using the link below:
Click here to visit the Digg article and click Digg it if you want!
UPDATE (20/05/07) I’VE DONE IT: Yep, in 2/3 days i’ve managed to defeat Ed Stelmach in my battle for google supremacy!
Related Links:
Samskara, the once glorious band that blessed pubs and bars across Yorkshire with their sweet tunes and rhythmic funkrock. I was lucky to play drums in this band with Dave Kupelian on vocals, often at one with the music, a personification of the music, leading him to break dance on stage… or atleast attempt to! Ricky Roth/ Rodder on guitar and Pete on bass.
Here are, i’m sure, some highly sort after MP3s for you to enjoy:
http://www.creativebinge.co.uk/samskara/down.mp3
http://www.creativebinge.co.uk/samskara/funkymonkey.mp3
http://www.creativebinge.co.uk/samskara/wheredowego.mp3
If you, like me, work in an office, you should understand the importance of seating position. I don’t want to get into trouble here, but seating is key to a happy employee, possibly for the wrong reasons. I think a certain extent of privacy is good, such a dividers and your screen not TOO out in the open for everyone to stare at.
Soon, my good position will be no more.
I am to move to what i can describe as being “no man’s land”, I’ll be out in the open, a pheasant waiting to be shot, a sitting duck, one of those rabbits which has had chemicals to make it blind for easy game.
My only hope is a device I’ve been pondering on. It’s not patented yet but I can’t see it going down too well. It’s much like an old school camera with a hood that screens the monitor (forgive the pun) from everyone else. See below.
Today I found out about liquefaction. This often occurs during earthquakes where the ground basically turns into liquid. So you could in effect, plumit into this soily liquid crap. Then when the earthquake stops, the ground turns solid again and you will be crushed.
This really isn’t a good way to go, in fact, I can’t think of anything worse.
I pondered on the possibilities of swimming out of the soily crap. But Dan reckoned that it wouldn’t be possible, especially with the earthquake throwing you around.
The next logical question is whether Killer Whales could swim out of it. They are after all, damn good swimmers. I reckon they could. But the problem then is that they would still be in the soily crap when it solidifies and then dieing. Unless, at a presice moment they jump out of the soil to safety. Unfortunately they would then probably die from not being able to breath out of water.
Note: Dan reckons that the impact of the whale onto the solidified ground would make the whale explode. Either way, the whale theory is not going to work.
Other options are crocodiles, otters, hippos and birds.
This has perhaps been overlooked by scientists and it has been left up to me to warn people of a possible end of world scenario. Here it is, the whole world has an earthquake, resulting in MASS liquefaction. All humans perish, crocodiles and the like survive, thus bringing in the next era of Earth ruled by birds, crocs and otters.
